Muscadine Lines: A Southern Journal

Doggles

Kathy Rhodes


Well, I’ve done it now. Really done it.

I’ve got to think up a good excuse before the big brown UPS truck rolls around within seven business days.

They’re called Doggles. I guess that’s a combination of dog and goggles. We’re talking sunglasses for a dog.

“Look!” I'd coaxed my husband to the computer when he got home from work. “Isn’t this the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?” I pulled up the website of drsfostersmith.com—products for pets selected by veterinarians—and showed him a picture of a yellow puppy in big, red sunglasses.

FUN & FUNCTIONAL! TOTAL PROTECTION AGAINST UV, WIND, WATER, & DEBRIS! WIDER NOSE BRIDGE, DEEPER LENS CUP, & STURDIER FRAMES THAN OTHER BRANDS!

Why, of course, our cocker spaniel had to have a pair!

“You didn’t. Tell me you didn’t. Please tell me you didn’t order those.”

Uh-oh.

“We-e-ell, um, it’s for medical reasons.” After all, she’d had that bout with a Bell’s palsy-like condition and couldn’t quite close her right eye anymore. “It’s real hard on her when she rides in the car and the sun shines in her eyes.”

DOGGLES® ARE THE ORIGINAL PROTECTIVE CANINE EYEWEAR. COMFORTABLE AND STYLISH, THEY'RE PERFECT FOR HUNTING AND WORKING DOGS, POST-EYE SURGERY, LIGHT SENSITIVITY, OR CAR TRIPS.

Charlie says I’m on everybody’s Sucker List for Dogs. I don’t disagree. You should see the stuff I get in the mail—everything from vet school wellness newsletters to pet catalogs that sell little coffins lined in white satin! Some things I just can’t resist.

Let’s face it. Chaeli is spoiled rotten. That little dog’s got everything. She’s got balls that bounce and flash, Buster Cubes that roll and release treats, Giggly Balls that make goofy noises. Furry pink teddy bears that play lullabies, fuzzy stuffed animals that make silly sounds—bunnies, puppies, and lions, oh my!

She’s got chenille sweaters, suede coats, and a UT jersey with her name on the back. She’s got matching collars and leashes galore—pink and white polka dot, green with pink flowers, red, purple, and pink. She has ruffs and bows and scarves and snoods and charms. She wears patterned visors, a red plaid Scottish tam, and a pink feather boa. She’s got pink baby blankets with her name monogrammed on them. She even has her own soft, cuddly Puppy Purse with treats in a zipper pouch.

Why, she’s such a modern girl that she has her own Web Page!

But Charlie has drawn the line on a couple of things.

A stroller. Yeah, I wanted a doggie stroller real bad. Doctors Foster & Smith offer a Pet Stroller for $139.99 and an SUV Pet Stroller for $189.99. Mesh, green cage-like carriers on wheels. EACH RUST-RESISTANT, METAL-FRAMED STROLLER FEATURES REAR SAFETY BRAKE, REMOVABLE CARRIER ENCLOSURE, AND WATER-RESISTANT FABRIC. SUV STROLLER IS 30% LARGER AND IDEAL FOR FOREST TRAILS, SANDY AREAS, OR GRASSY PARKS.

“Oh, for God’s sake, don’t buy her a stroller,” Charlie moaned.

“But we can all go to Gatlinburg and stroll up and down the streets and shop.”

“No, no, no-o-o,” he groaned.

“If I get a stroller anyway, will you walk with us? I’ll even let you push.”

“I’ll walk 20 paces behind and pretend I don’t know you.”

Then there was that faux mink coat. THIS PRACTICAL WARMER FOR SMALLER BREED AND SHORT HAIR DOGS ALSO STANDS OUT AS A FASHION STATEMENT - IT'S A FAUX-FUR COLLAR AND CAPE WORTHY FOR WEARING TO ANY "BEST OF BREED" CEREMONIES AT WESTMINSTER. ELEGANT MINK-BROWN FUR WILL MAKE YOUR DOG THE CENTER OF ATTENTION WHILE ALSO HELPING HER RETAIN MORE BODY HEAT ON THOSE COLDER DAYS. It’s the ultimate! Of course, Chaeli needs one.

“Awww.” Charlie can curl up his lip like Elvis. “Puh-leeze. Don’t buy that. Just let her be a dog.”

“She’ll be a cold dog.”

“We’ll turn up the heat, and she’ll be a hot dog.”

Practical. He’s way too practical.

Yet, I happen to know he really gets a kick out of this wacky stuff, even though he’d never admit it. On a recent foggy and drizzly day, I dressed Chaeli in her yellow slicker hooded raincoat, slipped on a matching one myself, then set out to walk around the block.

“Y’all goin’ like that?”

“Sure are. Wanna go?”

“Nope.”

He grinned and shook his head, watched us walk away, and waited for our return.

“Anybody see you?”

“Oh yeah! Lots of people. They pointed and laughed.”

He grinned bigger.

Back to the Doggles. I got the chrome ones. With smoke-colored, shatterproof polycarbonate lenses that have an anti-fog coating. I can just see us now—driving down the street with the sunroof open, Chaeli in the passenger seat buckled in her seat belt harness, sitting up straight and tall, wearing her stylish chrome sunglasses. Ain’t it a hoot?

Anyway, those glasses’ll be here in a few days. I ordered them before he drew the line. I’ll just slip them in her Designer Doggy Bag with her Sharables Me and My Pal purified water bottle, teal and pink paisley visor, hairbrush, and herbal deodorizing mist.

Medical reasons. Yep, sounds good.

© Kathy Rhodes

Doggles® is a product of Midknight Creations, LLC / Doggles (Great product! And they really stay on!)
www.doggles.com

*****

Kathy Rhodes is editor of Muscadine Lines: A Southern Journal.

Muscadine Lines: A Southern Journal ISSN 1554-8449, Copyright © 2004-2012