Muscadine Lines: A Southern Journal

Like a Hole in the Head

Jackie K. Cooper


A year or so ago I hit my forehead on my car's trunk. I was reaching in to get something and whacked myself good. I do things like that. Anyway, after I hit it, a bump came up on my forehead and stayed there. It didn't go away and didn't get smaller. Finally when I had my yearly physical my doctor told me I should have it checked.

I went to Dr. Clark Kent and he biopsied the bump. It came back as a basal cell cancer, which the woman who called said was the simplest form of cancer to cure. I clung to that thought. She set me up an appointment to have it removed via a process called "Mohing." I thought she said mowing and I could just see them mowing down my bump like a field of grass.

When I showed up to be mowed, Dr. Kent said they were going to take out a plug in the shape of a pie tin. He said they didn't care what was in the middle of the pie. They were just concerned about what was on the sides and the bottom. He said they would make the cut and then test the tissues. I was to wait in the waiting room while they tested it all.

The mowing didn't hurt at all, and soon I was waiting the results. In about forty-five minutes to an hour the nurse came out and said all was clear. That was a great relief. Now all I had to do was get it sewn up. But before they started sewing, Dr. Kent handed me a mirror and told me to look at what they cut out. Like a fool, I did as he said. That is when I almost lost my breakfast. I mean they had taken a chunk out of my forehead.

Now they had to squeeze the incision together and sew it up from the inside out. They took sixteen stitches. All I could think of was when James Earl Jones told me I looked like Peter Boyle. Peter Boyle played Frankenstein's monster in the comedy "Young Frankenstein." Madeline Kahn always called him her little zipper head. Well now I truly did look like Boyle as a zipperhead.

The doctor gave me a prescription for some Darvoset for the pain. Macho me didn't think I would need it. And I really didn't the first day. But when the numbness started to wear off for real, I was begging for that prescription. Luckily, the medication made me sleepy so I slept through the pain.

I get the stitches out in a few days. Meanwhile I have a bandage on my head that makes me look like I am a World War II casualty. I have gotten quite a lot of stares and more than my share of attention. The attention is nice.

Hopefully this is the last time I will have to have something like this done. I am going to try to watch out where I am going and not hit my poor damaged head any more. You know that old saying, "I need that like I need a hole in my head." Well, I now have that hole in my head, and I don't need anything else!

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Jackie K. Cooper was born in South Carolina and now lives in Georgia. He is familiar to people living in the middle Georgia area as the "entertainment man" since his entertainment reviews run in newspapers and are shown on television there. His short stories have been used as commentary on Georgia Public Radio. He also keeps active appearing as an after dinner speaker for various events.

Cooper has lived an exceptionally interesting life and portions of it are contained in his first book Journey of a Gentle Southern Man. The journey continued in Chances and Choices.

Jackie's first two books, Journey of a Gentle Southern Man and Chances and Choices, were reprinted and published by Mercer University Press in July 2004. His third book Halfway Home was published by Mercer University Press in October 2004.

Cooper's fourth book, released in 2006, is The Bookbinder.

Visit his website, or email Jackie

© Jackie K. Cooper

Muscadine Lines: A Southern Journal ISSN 1554-8449, Copyright © 2004-2012